From the Daily News, May 4, 2012.
Gary Thompson, our film critic, told me to pick the bad ones, so I told the hetero ladies/gay men that “Magic Mike” is Hollywood’s apology for the male gaze and that, yes, “Total Recall,” will still have the three-boobed woman.
I actually had two more but they made me swap them out for “The Amazing Spider-Man” and “Snow White and the Hunstman.” Here they are (They are not edited so … sorry):
GI Joe: Retaliation – June 29
When the G.I. Joe team is framed for a treasonous crime, the crooked president attempts to eliminate the elite NATO squadron. It’s a convenient way of getting rid of Channing Tatum, who is a busy boy this summer, what with male-stripper saga “Magic Mike” hitting theaters the same day as “Retaliation.” So Tatum gave up the Thick-Neck White Knight mantle to a worthy successor: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Perhaps the most anticipated new cast member to the series, though, is Bruce Willis, who returns the Snarkified Everyman Ass-kicker that makes us want to watch the “Die Hard’ quadrology on a loop for the rest of our lives.
Step Up: Revolution – July 27
Giggle all you want about the inclusion of the fourth entry in this series. But few dance movies of late have been able to showcase the moves we bought our tickets for like these movies. Rather than rely on nausea-inducing quick cuts, previous directors from the series – especially second and third installment director Jon M. Chu – have known to keep shots long and uncut [EDIT: If I was edgier or some shit, I would make a joke like “…just how I like my men.”] so that more of the dance is in focus. Centering around a let’s-band-together-to-save-the-rec-center-style plot complete with superfluous romance, “Step Up: Revolution” will probably not be remembered for its groundbreaking script but its showcase of the dance.